Now ladies before I get started, I want you to know that I love you all very very much because without you my hand would be very very rare and if I'm to believe what my mother would yell as she banged on the bathroom door I'd also be blind as a bloody bat. That said it astonishes me how so many smart, sexy and powerful women have failed to master the simplest of all their demons.... that's right the toilet seat. All the women in my life have all said the same thing "Gene the toilet seat is still up!" and I always reply with "Ok, well it does go down you know hehe" and if I don't put it down and they don't know to put the seat down and when they get their arses wet it's my fault. This always makes me pause and think, there isn't a man out there that has gotten his ass wet when he runs off to his fortress of solitude to do his dirty little business, and hell we only have to sit for half of our bathroom trips. Ladies on the other hand have to sit down every time but yet this concept of 'No toilet seat means I'll get a wet who-who' has escaped them. I can only assume as young girls they learning about the mysteries that surround the toilet that your mothers must of told you about the toilet fairy. The toilet fairy comes in to the bathroom before you do and puts the seat down, thus removing such manual labor from your hands.... wouldn't want you to break a nail.
Now what I'm thinking is that your mothers told you always trust in the toilet fairy and not to even look or get some kind of confirmation before dropping your pants and squatting down to let loose.... maybe that should've be taught for other aspects of your life... opps off track. So at this point I'm picturing that every women walks into the bathroom, closes the door, shuts her eyes, drops her pants, backs up to the toilet, sits and does her business all the time never doubting the toilet fairy would punish them with a splash of cold aqua on their under carriage. Once and awhile the toilet fairy delivers you the equivalent of a piece of coal for Christmas, yes the toilet fairy is like Santa. The toilet fairy knows when your wake and when your sleeping and when you've been bad or good.... honestly sounds like a creepy fucker personally. So the toilet seat doesn't make it to the sitting position, yet sadly you do and *SPLASH* wetis anusis... it's Latin trust me ;).
Now ladies I'm here to free you from the grip, that little bastard, Toilet fairy has on you. I'm going to let you in on a secret passed down from father to son. It's very simple any fool could do it ;) and just 3 simple little steps:
Step 1: Reach out your hand
Step 2: Place hand on toilet seat
Step 3: Pull toilet seat down
I know it's going to blow your minds at first but trust me you'll feel so much better not to have that reliance on the Toilet fairy anymore. Now if you get a wet ass it's your fault, so don't point and stomp at me, we're not in the jungle lady! :P